The Fed Pump & Dump Calculator

How much of your portfolio gains are just Powell's printer going brrr?

Your portfolio value (no need to lie, we're all broke)

Your stock concentration (how much is actually stocks vs. Bonds/cash)

Your recent gains this week (be honest about the screenshots you didn't take)

How much Fed news do you consume daily (your addiction level)

How many market cycles have you actually lived through

📊

YOUR PORTFOLIO'S ACTUAL GAINS

—

Adjust inputs above and hit calculate

ORGANIC GAINS

—

FED PRINTER CONTRIBUTION

—

CORRECTION PROBABILITY

—

SLEEP QUALITY IMPACT

—

The Uncomfortable Math

Markets rally on Fed easing the way bodies float in water—it's physics, not strategy. Every point gained on hopium is a point you're gambling you can exit before everyone else does. You won't.

What Happened

Fed minutes suggest fewer rate hikes. Markets price in free money. Your portfolio bounces. This is step 6 of a 7-step cycle that ends badly.

Why This Matters

Rally days pump your portfolio and your ego equally. The ego part is what kills you when the reversal comes.

Frequently Asked Questions

Quick answers to common questions

Is this actually predictive?

No. But the pattern is: Fed talk → short-term relief rally → false confidence → brutal reality check. You're somewhere in that cycle.

What's the Fed printer contribution?

It's the portion of your gains that disappear if Fed policy reverses. History says that's 60-80% on relief rallies.

Should I sell?

We can't tell you that. But ask yourself: Would you buy at these prices today? If the answer is no, that's your answer.

The Fed Pump & Dump Calculator

What Happened

Why This Matters

Frequently Asked Questions

Get weekly insights